Sometimes I feel like I live on Mars, or Venus, if you are a fan of the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I do not recognize the terrain. It makes me feel "spacey." I shake my head to try to clear the confusion.
Then I realize that many important changes have taken place in the last few months. So many so that I have not been able to successfully integrate them into my daily frame of reference. My primitive fight-or-flight responses to change keep me in a mild state of hypervigilance, looking around for the next big thing.
A change in what I thought was true, or a loss of something upon which I thought I could count, feels unsettling. These types of change require a broad reshuffling of my long-held assumptions about myself and about my world. I stand on shifting sand during the periods that I am doing this hard internal work.
But, with it all, I am determined to keep up.
2 comments:
Carol Gee,
Your "mild state of hypervigilance, looking around for the next big thing" reminds me of the months (years?) that my wife and I spent waiting for the other shoe to drop after 911. It never happened, but my subconscious is still waiting (subconsciously). I think this is the norm in our country now.
It also reminds me of when I was a child and witnessed losing JFK, MLK and Bobby K in short succession. The difference between then and now for me is that in the 60's, I looked forward to the bright and somewhat idealistic future that was promised to us coming out of the 50's. (<-- All tempered by the knowledge that we would all surely die from a Nuclear War and actually "prepared" for it at school).
Now as my adult, less idealistic self has realized and after 911, two different Iraqs, several years of abuse of power by current and former administrations and Katrina, I'm no longer looking for the bright future that was taken from us. I'm working toward the "potential" for the bright future that will have to be created again. That's my grown up version of being an optimist. The cup is still half full but (as in New Orleans) what's in it just needs to be filtered a bit.
ES, mild hypervigilance is the normal state for some of us, numbed-out for others, and confused for still others. But when citizens care about the future of the country, and act upon that caring, we are all better for it. Thanks for all you do!
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