South by Southwest: Finding humor is tough these days --

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Finding humor is tough these days --

How to tell if you are Mom's favorite (HT: betmo)

To lighten your day and get you ready for next week, today's post is in a humorous vein. Begin by following this little discussion thread from the Lucidity Forum: "They Stole Georgia!" It is a fascinating and ironic "take" of the Russia-Georgia war, along with an introduction to the Pravda website, that features a BBC video titled, "Georgian President Saakashvili eats his tie on TV live (video)."

Features from The Onion -- closing my (8/14/08) Congressional Quarterly Behind the Lines newsletter - by David C. Morrison, his links. (To sign up for CQ's free newsletters, click here):

Outsourcing the election: “The CIA proprietary company which controls all of the voting machines in the United States has accidentally leaked the 2008 presidential election results,” Unconfirmed Sources confirms. “A malfunction in one of DieSold’s computers caused the election results to be published ahead of scheduled and four months before the election. Barack Obama will take first place with 485 Electoral College votes. Second place will go to Libertarian Party candidate Bob Barr with 35 votes. John McCain finishes in last place with 18 votes. Many Americans have expressed outrage over having their illusion of democratic power shattered. ‘So what if elections are fake. At least the results should be kept a surprise until after we get to cast our worthless votes. This error spoils the excitement,’ said Republican Party activist Faye Kerr. Only Unconfirmed Sources will be covering the 2008 presidential election results.” See also, in The Onion: “‘Time’ Publishes Definitive Obama Puff Piece.”

A truly wonderful graphic -- This came in an e-mail from my friend, Jon -- "Thought Process Flowchart: Dick Cheney" 236 News (8/10/08) To quote the intro to :

According to numerous news reports during the week, Dick Cheney was opting out of this year's convention.

In response to this, the Republican National Committee announced Friday that Cheney WILL in fact speak on the same night as President Bush. Nonetheless, we can't help trying to figure out why a sitting vice president might skip his party's convention.

Why did the chicken cross the road? (This was forwarded to me by a friend. The original source, as with all such forwards, is unknown):

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% .........) reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?